Worm Moons of March

The first full moon of March is called the Worm Moon, the earthworms start to come out as the ground thaws, its an odd name really, but so it is called. It is a beautiful  moon, if you take the time to stop and notice it. 

Living in the city we have a fair amount of light pollution, so a dark night sky full of stars is not a normal thing around here. Why even bother looking up really? At least not until you have driven quite a distance away from the hustle and bustle. Tonight was different; when Heather and I got into the car you couldn't help but notice the largest, brightest moon I have seen all year. 

The sight of the moon took me back in time several years to  another Worm Moon of March.

Andrew and I had taken Heather to see her geneticist in Asheville,  we were leaving a restaurant, Heather was bounding ahead for the car, when Andrew and I both stopped in awe of the moon rising over the trees. I remember just standing there side by side watching in wonder at Gods creation and cherishing the moment. Now every time I see a beautiful full moon, I not only remember that night, but I thank God for providing that perfect moment in time, a memory I will forever have and hold dear to my heart no matter where we all end up. I will have that one seemingly small moment forever in my heart. 

A lesson I learned very long ago, slow down, don't be in a rush for the "next thing" enjoy each moment for that moment is a gift. The little things that are happening could very well be lasting memories for the people you are with, or even yourself. How do you want to be remembered? What do you want to remember? 

Gods Timing

It was several years ago that I found myself kneeling in the church on a sunny afternoon pouring my heart out to God. Then in the silence of the majestic beauty that surrounded me, when I felt as though even God was turning His back on me I heard a voice which was as real as mine, state "in My time, not yours." 

I have often looked back on that moment in my life and remembered those words and that gentle reassurance. I have learned through many trials in life to be patient, that was certainly not something which was simply granted to me. I consistently remind myself how everything happens in Gods time, not mine.

When I reflect back over the journey my family has been on I  can see God all along the way, I also see times when my impatience has flared and the results of it. When I look back to the day I was on my knees in the church I never would have pictured my family positioned where we are today, nothing is ever perfect, but looking back five years we are closer than we have ever been. Everything is happening in Gods time.

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"God Give Me"

"God Give me peace in my heart to follow Your will for my life without protest or fear"


This is the  prayer I have prayed for years, longer than I can remember actually. The same words over and over and over. I don't wake up and face the day without asking the Lord to meet this vital need, I dare not lay my head down at night without asking for it as well.

 One day about a year ago I realized I had been granted what I was asking for and I should THANK
God for giving me what my selfish greedy human heart was continuing to ask for day in and day out.
I woke up and it was as if a jolt of electricity had hit me the realization darted through my thick skull; through so many of lifes storms I had been given the peace I so desperately pleaded for, not just peace but a grace to walk through those storms and show others His love and give them hope through our journey. I realized how so many times the Lord had provided a way for my family when there seemed to not be a way and in those moments when things looked darkest ultimately I had calm in my heart. Looking back I found peace in situations without Gods hand over me it would not have been possible to have had a moment of rest for my heart.

I stopped in that moment - had I thanked God every day that he was giving me exactly what I was praying so fervently for? Of course I was thanking him along the way for my blessings, as we certainly should; but was I thanking Him for answering my prayer as He so obviously had been all along? I had not been, and certainly that had to change.

I also realized I had been following His will for my life without protest for quite some time. "Without protest" and "without question, or hesitation" are definitely two different things. So many times in my life's journey I have felt the Holy Spirit nudging me in a direction and I have felt hesitant to make a move, or questioned if I should do something. I stopped protesting  quite some time ago. I learned its a road to nowhere, God will continue placing you onto a path that leads you in His direction when you are His children. We are slow sometimes, it takes a lot for us to see what may be right in front of us at times. "The hardest things to learn are the least complicated" (yes, those are song lyrics)  When God says to step you step in that direction. It comes down to timing and delivery now and then. Not long ago I was willing, ready, and planning to move my entire family to Uganda. Sometimes I think about that and I still feel a sadness, do I think this is a calling the Lord has for me? Yes, the timing is just not right. There are other things in my life I still have to do right here, right now. A confession of my own, I was running away from some of it. Sometimes the challenge feels to big, and sometimes the inevitable heart ache will be too big as well, so running a continent away just felt right.

 Along the road many people have emailed me, and spoken with me about our life, how my ability to speak up and share experiences has helped them.  It has not always been easy for me to share pieces of myself, but I have, at times, felt a calling to share certain things. I knew there was someone that needed to "hear" something I was going to share- be it online or in spoken word. This was part of his Will. There are many people that have touched me deeply by simply sending an email about how they found profound meaning in something I wrote, said, or did. I believe our trials have purpose, I know there are people who have come to Him through our lives. It is never my intention to be profound, I am simply myself. I am incredibly flawed;  I am clay constantly being molded and remolded into something new.

I have listened and followed His voice to the best of my ability. When I felt I was supposed to turn away from something I did, no matter how hard it was.This is currently where we are in our lives. There are a great many things in our lives creating clutter. Many people noticed over the last week or so I am no longer on Facebook. I have a hundred reasons for leaving, and I doubt I will ever go back.
Those that are close to my family sometimes think I am "uptight" about certain things. Maybe so, if I babysit your children, or you spend time in my home expect to be subjected to a few hours of my quiet nature. Sitting on a porch, and talking instead of watch hours of TV or having inappropriate music playing in the background while young children "twerk" and adults laugh (I can't stand the idea of it).  Why? Simply because society has changed -does not mean that the Lord has. What is right and proper remains right and proper.

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
- Matthew 713-14

Why even mention this? Because, I ask the Lord to provide me with peace in my heart on a daily basis. How can any of us have peace in our hearts when we fill our minds and hearts with things that are everything but peaceful? I am trying very hard to get both the girls and myself to a better place emotionally and spiritually. Taking away negativity that world bombards us with constantly is where we are at now. 

Thanking God for answering my simple prayer is something I have needed to do, humans are such selfish creatures, self centered and selfish by nature. It is a mercy that the Lord loves us and understands our nature.   We are blessed to have a loving Father to always turn to. One that loves us unconditionally and will always be there regardless of what we are and have done, even when we are at our most unlovable. 

So I now remember to praise Him, and thank Him for answering my prayer, for giving me sufficient grace to get through life's hardest moments for taking away from fear and allowing me to follow His will for my life without too much protest.

Turning Pages, New Chapters

Have you ever read a book and enjoyed it so much you were genuinely upset when it ended?

Our own lives can be that way. We have chapters of our life, when they close evoke similar feelings as we realize they are closing.

Over the last several months I have known a beautiful chapter in our lives was coming to an end and a new one was going to begin soon. As each page turned it was with a great deal of mixed emotion that I watched the pages turn. There were times that I was even outside of myself during events, watching everything take place as an outsider simply trying to drink in every moment to impress upon my memory the laughter, joy, every line upon certain faces, the smell of people, the way the sun felt on my skin that day,  the sparkles in the girls eyes- every moment so in the future some small something from those seconds might occur again and spark a memory to bring me back to that same moment in time and allow me the privilege of experiencing it in my heart for just a moment all over again. I stopped taking so many pictures so I could be in the moments as they occurred, missing nothing.

I have a journal that I have kept since Heather was an infant, one night I pulled the journal out and I flipped back through the pages. I read some with intent. I have had a recurring dream in my life. I have never owned a green car because of this dream. In the dream there are 6 people in the car, we lose control of the car and only one person gets out of the car, as the car is still spinning I am able to regain control and we drive as the other person walks around in close proximity to the car. There is much more, but it is very personal; as I read the words I had written over a period of years, the same dream over and over again. Recounted  page after page for several years with emotion ranging from joy to anger. Suddenly this part made a different kind of sense. It no longer gave me an impending sense of doom, instead I understood it in a new way. This green car is life, and I simply have to take control myself. I have to learn to do things on my own a little. The good thing about it is that I know, how some of this turns out. I trust God. I trust that because everything else has been true so far, this will as well. 

I have loved the chapter of life we were in, it has been the most beautiful chapter ever written, many times I could see the Lords hand writing the words Himself. Our lives changed, we changed. All four of us are better people because of each other. Each of us must turn new pages and start a new chapter and those chapters will be different for each of us. The roles we will play for one another is going to

be changing to. This is why I have not wanted to turn the page and start writing. When God says it is time to step, you must step, otherwise He will force the issue. I have looked around at the utter chaos and finally agreed in prayer to submit. I know, I have known. When you rebel against His will for your life that's what happens. He has a plan for you, don't mess it up by using your will over His. So I close this chapter and open a new one, with both sadness and joy for each of us.

Walking Through Doors..

Months ago I was looking for new direction in life. I decided to roll the dice and follow my dream. Those that know my girls and I; know that we have a love for helping people. All kinds of people in all situations. For most of my adult life it has been my deepest desire to take my family to Africa as missionaries.  I came across a group that does just that, with a paid position open in the very place I most wanted to go, doing a job very close and personal to me. It was a position that allowed for an entire family to go. With a 24 month contract- and a possibility of extensions after 24 months.

Imagine how I felt as I read the qualifications and realized I was more than qualified. I simply needed references and letters of recommendation. I contacted people who knew me in the right capacities to write letters and give references, I spent over an hour filling out the application. As time went on and I didn't hear anything from the organization I assumed a better suited candidate was chosen, and that this was simply not Gods will for my life at this time. I admit as I came to this conclusion my heart felt a slight sting, but eventually I shrugged it off. I have an amazing job with a growing company. I enjoy my position and have some great new co-workers. I started to look to the future and see that I can grow where I am, and maybe this is where I should be right now. Everything in His time, not mine. Just as I heard in the church so many years ago, very clearly- "my time, not yours"

After I had reconciled to not going to Uganda, I received a phone call, a phone call led to an interview and the interview led to me being offered the position for my dream job. An offer was on the table, I was given time to think it over. It was like a whirlwind, the world was changing quickly, or was about to change, had the potential to change. I could hardly believe what was taking place.

What do you do? I had spent years dreaming of this moment. Suddenly I was paralyzed. Every fiber of my body screamed yes. I had more than just myself to think of though. I have two girls at home, one with intense medical needs. Despite how healthy she is there is still a very delicate balance that must be kept. The more time I spent in prayer the more obvious it became this would be the ultimate step of faith if I said yes. There were many unknowns, as I recall those first moments spent pensively considering the entire situation my heart flutters with joyful and anxious excitement, with just the memory of those moments.

I spent two weeks praying over this situation, and asked others to do the same. I needed to have peace in my heart if I said "yes" or if I said "no thank you" It was imperative to know that it was the Lords calling and it was happening within His timing. Not a trap laid by the evil one to lead me into failure and a path to feeling defeat beyond what am able to handle. I had to know I was not going to be traveling to Uganda and putting my family into danger; testing my faith and leading me to lose my passion and faith. Something even the strongest of believers can have happen given the right set of circumstances.

Every fiber of my being screamed for me to say "yes" from the moment I received the offer. Even when the reasoning voice in my head said "no" my heart said "yes" I practiced declining the position as well as accepting the position. As I did this I spent time picturing our lives in what I began to refer to as "after"  I imagined having to kick my  Starbucks skinny vanilla latte habit (gulp) that was a pretty serious obstacle for me, really. I had to skip the bucks today and I had a pretty grumbly morning. City life has certainly changed me a bit. I wondered how the girls would adjust to life without internet and electronics all the time, the possibility of no electricity either. As I half joked to myself about these things- I stopped, I realized while of course, these would be a period of adjustment; what is the goal here? Could we manage and adjust? Of course we would. We are survivors. Most people have no idea what we have endured on our way to where we are. By keeping our focus on what is important and our faith we have lived through some horrible circumstances. Living as missionaries in Uganda would certainly not be "horrible" and if that was how it was going to be viewed we shouldn't consider it. The truth is those things, Starbucks and electricity don't matter  Being where God calls us to be is what matters, that was where the words of my dear friend Pastor Charles hit me where it counts "being where God calls you to be"

During the course of my decision making process I spoke with very few people about the opportunity. I was afraid of the influence others may have over me. My heart was already so tender and emotionally I was feeling all over the place. The words of Pastor Charles were the most powerful of anyone. My feelings had been hurt by the words of some over the opportunity. People can be unintentionally cruel, and sometimes when people are scared they say things that are hurtful as well. I had to keep it in perspective when my feelings were hurt.

Where is God calling me to be? That was the question that continued in my heart and mind, it was my constant prayer. I felt certain I knew. I felt certain this position was the right direction.

When it came time to give my answer, I gave it with confidence. During the call I asked many questions; each of the responses we exactly what I needed to proceed with accepting the position.

Yes, I said yes.

As soon as I hung up the phone I felt a twinge of panic.

What had I just done?

I had just signed up for two years in Africa with my family, my family meaning the girls and I. How would we leave Andrew? This is something I think about often for a variety of reasons. Andrew and I have an amazing friendship; but certainly he wasn't going to be coming with us. I admit that the girls and I are  dependent upon Andrew as our protector, and leader and have been. It wasn't something anyone planned, it just happened. I had said yes to leaving the country, and Andrew. How would Heather manage emotionally losing Andrew for two years?

I started having second thoughts.

That weekend Heather was to compete in the State Cheer Competition; Saturday morning when Andrew arrived my heart, while joyful and filled with excitement over the day and my new opportunity, was heavy with sadness. As we celebrated Heathers milestone that day  I started to think I had made the wrong decision. I started to grasp what my girls would be losing. I knew they would be gaining much, but on a scale which was greater? At that moment the losses looked heavier.

Love and family are very important to us.

It took us a very long time to get to where we are. I am a very solitary person, but the relationships I have are very important to me.  Given a choice I would rather spend any given evening at home cooking with Andrew and the girls, watching a movie and playing Wii games, or having pillow fights, or any of the other silly things we do. Many people spend their lives searching for just a portion of what we share as friends; could I break the family unit we created up? Was this Gods will in my life? Why was I having these thoughts now so much, why did my heart feel pulled so hard to stay now? Was there something I was missing? had missed?

I spoke with Charles about how I was feeling. He continued to talk to me about how he felt I was supposed to be here, my calling was to continue advocacy within the special needs community, continue public speaking and helping others in the capacity I had been. May be in the future greater opportunities would open up. I knew he was right, I have a passion for advocacy, and I love public speaking.

In that conversation I knew he was right, but my heart still was filled with passion for the position I had accepted. In my mind my furniture had already been put in storage and the girls and I were saying good bye to friends and family. - I was torn. 

I sat down one night and I wrote a heart felt email to my new employer. In the email I declined the position. I sat staring at my computer screen and cried, I cried until there were no tears left. There came a time when I realized I was no longer crying over the position. My tears were over so much more.  I saved it as a draft. I didn't want to make an emotional decision, those are always bad. I needed to make my move rationally.

I have made my final decision, it was one of the hardest decisions have have made, but we are staying here. I am going to continue employment where I am. As I prayed I asked for clear signs about 3 issues in my life, I frequently have to say to the Lord, you know I can be pretty slow, so make this clear to me. Certainly those three things have been made clear to me, with the heavy reminder for my need to be patient.

I hit the send button on my email. It was rational, filled with emotions, but a decision made rationally.

I will cry when I talk about the opportunity, my heart will always sting when I think about it. I know in my heart this was the right choice.  Next week I will sign the lease for my apartment for another year, we have lived here for 2 years now. I laughed when I thought about it- I hate moving. I have moved 3 times in my adult life- what would moving to another country have been like- certainly a bigger nightmare than just from city to city.

I walked through a door and crawled back in the window. Now I sit on my sofa and I remind myself of the words I heard so many years ago as I knelt in tears "in my time, not yours" Patience is difficult, especially when something seems so perfect, even when it is filled with imperfections.  

January 2015

The first month of a new year is coming to a close. 2015 has started out by taking my breath away. My baby Sarah turned 20, I now have two children in their 20's! That is something I can't even begin to wrap my mind around. Adult children. Even though I am (gasp) almost 40 on the inside I still feel like a 20 something quite often.

 Another "baby" had her last day of school, Brittany will be graduating high school next month. This month however she walked the halls of high school for the last time as a senior. It is on to bigger and better things. It is time to really plan for the future now.

Heather Riley has been amazing us with her growth and development. She cheers with typical girls. It was amazing. As her squad was handed second place trophies it realized instantly I needed to publicly thank the therapist that worked with her over the years too. I know their patience with her (and me at times) has brought her to the place she is now too.

We said good bye to our sedan and have an SUV, I was heart broken but am learning to adjust. Life is full of changes, and that was just one. Maybe it was the Lords way of preparing me for bigger changes He had in store. I do not like change much, big or small.

 I am asking for prayers as I spend the next few days in prayer myself. I have a personal decision to make. A door is before me, a door that could be the biggest change my girls and I have ever experienced. I have spent the last week praying, crying and considering all of the possibilities. I have a week left before I must make a final decision. I do not want to divulge what this decision is right now, I do not want opinions and the well meaning advice of others to cloud my ability to discern what I am to do. This is a difficult enough decision. I will ask for my friends to pray for me to have clarity of mind and direction. I continue to pray for peace in my heart to follow the Lords will without protest or fear, especially at this time in our lives.

A little Bit of Thanks

 Rejoice always;  pray without ceasing;  in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 

As Thanksgiving approaches I think more and more about what I am thankful for. I don't have to think very hard to come up with a long list of what to be thankful for. This year was not an easy year by any means. Last Thanksgiving if I had been asked to predict the next year I never would have guessed the trials we would have encountered. What does James 1:2-4 tell us? Consider it all joy knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance and to let endurance have its perfect result so you may be perfect  and complete, lacking in nothing. So, with those words in mind I worked though the trials of the last year. I wasn't always precisely cheerful, and I didn't celebrate our bad situations, but I was thankful to the Lord in all of our circumstances. I held on to the realization that He was moving in my life to place us in a better situation, on a better path, to put new people in our lives, to put us in the lives of new people as well. Those dark moments were teaching times, moments of introspection as well as retrospection. For those times I am thankful. We are constantly evolving, never fully complete always growing. 

This Thanksgiving week I have the opportunity to look back on a year of growth. Tonight Brittany handed me the date of her High School graduation, her early graduation. Tonight I had a conversation with a typical competition cheer coach about Heather Riley actually competing in January with the other girls, I look at my grown girls and I know they are on the paths to becoming adults that will make a difference in the lives of those they touch in the world. They are all four beautiful young women, with pure hearts. I am thankful God has allowed me to be their mother. 

I am thankful for the amazing friends I have in my life, those far and near. Both old and new. Over the last year I have gained at least one new friendship that I cherish more than this person may realize. Friendship is a vital part of the human condition. I let very few people into my life, I talk to many people on a casual basis, but very few on a personal level. I have marveled over the entrance of certain people into my life. This was one of those instances.

This Thanksgiving we turn to the Lord with praise for what is right, and ask for guidance in the other areas. This thanksgiving we are going to be quiet, just us at home. This year is a time for quiet reflection, a turkey and stuffing, some time on the couch just holding on to one another. Reminding each other of what is important.

 Life and love. 

Over the years I have come to the realization that I have very few needs in life. The girls too, the three of us are simple, while it is true there are things we enjoy in life, those are not things we require to be happy. The only thing we need is love, it doesn't matter where we live, or what we consume. We could eat rice and beans, as long as we are secure with love nothing else matters.


For this sense of security I am thankful. 

There are so many things I am thankful for, I could continue, I could list things until the sun comes up, but I will stop. I encourage each of you to take time to think about the things you are thankful for, the relationships in your life that are meaningful, the people you love;  Do those people know just how much they mean to you? Have you thanked the Lord for your blessings? 

There is no time like the present to let them know.

Three Years Later

Tonight I sat at the elementary school where YCOA meets for practice each week and watched Heather do things that this night three years ago, I never would have thought possible. This night three years ago I had resigned myself to there not being "in three years" with Heather.

Three years ago on this night Heather went into a 3 hour convulsive status seizure. Not only did she seize for more than three hours, but she had high fever caused by sepsis. The video embedded here was taken that night, short clips taken between 6 and 8pm on November 5th. I don't like to watch this, I haven't watched it more than a couple of times since that night, this moment was the start of a nightmare I never could have imagined.

 As I watched Heather tonight at cheer practice I thought about these things, and went back to this hospital room and that moment in my mind.

Three years later Heather Riley is in an amazing place. She has opportunities and strength that I never thought would be available to her. I sat on the bench and choked back tears for 40 minutes as I watched the girls treating Heather like any other girl on the squad (these girls have no idea she is any different) Heather was doing stunts like the other kids, I watched Heather assist in holding another girl up in the air. I had to hold my breath, and thank God for the determination she has, for the strength we have all been able to find to take the next step each time we had to. It is amazing what a difference your attitude makes.

In the darkest of moments we have always chosen to live and not simply exist. This is why Heather is successful, this is why she is doing what she does.

 Heather still has Lennox Gastaut Syndrome, but truth is that does not define who she is and what she is capable of doing. Sometimes we bite off more than we can chew, but in the end we look at the situations and say "we tried" We are all given one life and we must honor that life and live it to the fullest. Not constantly looking back into the past; retrospect is good as long as you are balancing it with introspection so you learn and grow. Never wallowing in "poor me" "oh, how we suffer" Learn from where you have been. As a family we look at November 2011 as not only our darkest hour, but also our greatest blessing.

Heather recovered from the status seizure after several doses of ativan, a phenobarbital load and a load of dilantin. She would  crash in the ambulance and arrive at the childrens hospital in critical condition. Her heart and kidneys failing, unable to breath on her own. Within 48 hours she would open her eyes and start to recover. And today, three years after that ordeal here she is. Standing in a room, a room here she is part of a competition cheer leading squad learning cheers and stunts as though she was just another girl.

She is just another girl, three years later, just another girl, and that's all I ever wanted.

No Weapon....

One of the issues in my profession has always been the the best positions are all contract based. A company signs a 6 month contract and the client may or may not resign the contract, it may be extended for 3 months, or 6 months or an additional year. Depending on the project or company you may or may not have a job at the end of that contract.

We were living in a situation prior to our move that I look back on and wonder how we survived; even then I knew it was bad and we had to get out. Sometimes still I am overcome with emotion just thinking about what we lived through and in. I cry out of guilt and shame with the realization of what I allowed my children to be exposed to, suffer with and miss out on. I felt trapped and I believed the threats and statements regarding the core of my character. I wish I had believed in myself and known the strength I really had. I sometimes wish people had known what was really going on in my home over the years. Like most women I hide my pain and suffered in silence.  We walked through an unimaginable hell, to get where we are.

When I was offered a contract job, even though I knew it was only a 6 month special project I saw it as an opened door. This was a way out. I had a network of friends in the area and I could "hide" from those that wished me harm. I never felt like their desire to hurt me was strong enough to seek me out at that time, I have since begun to question that. To this day exactly where we live is not known to many. We felt confident melting into a county with a population of  (literally) a million other people. My girls have been though enough, I wanted to just be another face in the crowd, so we became just that. It remains important that some of these people never know where we are.

That 6 month contract was enough for us to get out, the pay was low, well below industry standards but it was enough to meet our physical needs, just barely. I commuted as long as I had to; that turned out to be just a couple of pay checks to get us moved. When we moved I took nothing more than our clothes, air mattresses and  a chair. When we left we moved essentially in a single evening. I did eventually have my best friend retrieve a mattress and Heathers wardrobe, but those were the only pieces of furniture we brought. Everything else was left behind. We started new, we wanted to bring nothing from our old and negative past to this fresh start with us. - and so we didn't.

I was always concerned that project I worked on would be lost, leaving me with no income. We lived pay check to 3 days before paycheck. It was difficult, but we made it work, our hearts were happy and we felt safe and secure. It was something I had not really felt at least not in my adult life.  Weeks turned into months so I began to hope the contract may become permanent. When I felt fear creep into my heart I prayed and felt a peace come over me. The Lord reassured my heart and mind that He brought us to this place, I was given assurance through various signs that this is exactly where the girls and I are supposed to be. I was given peace, and the knowledge that we would be taken care of.

 The girls are in good schools, my best friend lives literally just around the corner. He was the first person that ever gave the girls and I a true feeling of safety within the  family setting. Even before we moved he showed us a different kind of love.

You can imagine my concern in June when I started to see the writing on the wall at work. There were so many issues. Then it happened. The contract was lost, and the world as I knew it ended. We were safe for that month, but my mind instantly went to all of the bills that I knew would start coming in. The knowledge that unemployment would take time to process and pay; even when it did the total I would get would not even pay our rent. How was I going to buy groceries, how would I make my car payments. What would I do if it was repossessed. I was devastated, but I felt calm. I had a sense that our needs would somehow be met.

For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
 Matthew 6:25 

There have been times I wasn't sure just what I was supposed to do or where to turn and it was in those moments when seemingly out of the blue a person entered our lives with the information we

needed, or some small job I could do for cash. This crisis has been no exception, it has been exceptional, an exceptional test of faith. The thoughts trying to take root in my heart were difficult to keep out at times. As our needs were met in moments I couldn't imagine how it would happen, my faith strengthened as I watched pieces of the puzzle come together. Sometimes in the wee hours of the morning I close my eyes and think about the events of the last few weeks and can see the Lords hands again very actively at work in our life. While there are those that rejoice in the devastation we have been and are facing, some even making some untrue and unkind remarks regarding our situation. These things are nothing new to us, and while I think about this I feel the power in the words of Isiah 54:17-

No weapon that is formed against you will prosper;
And every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
And their vindication is from Me,” declares the Lord

Those that rejoice with voices of cruelty, yet proclaim a christian faith are the wolf in sheep clothing.

One night I was on my porch after a family conversation and just spending time with those I love. I was alone with my thoughts in the cool night air as I sat thinking I was in conversation with the Lord regarding everything, I felt a calm wash over me and just knew this was ending;  the worst was over. Even thought I had a deep sense of peace at that moment I can't tell you everything is perfect yet, but there are so many good things happening right now. Long standing issues are being resolved as though a divine hand waved and said "enough, this season in your life is over" and in a way He did.

Of course, as I say this always know none of the issues are solved by us sitting here waiting for the Lord to reach down in a divine way and fix life for us. Of course that would be nice, but that is just not how life works. We must work our issues out, and so once I took the first step to address and issue it was like dominoes started to fall. A few nights ago I stopped to think about it and it took my breath away as I thought about what set it all into motion.

God is good all the time, even when we don't or can't see it. Thank you to everyone that has lifted us up in prayer, and those that reached a hand up in our time of need.  We are still walking in dangerous financial territory for another month, but once these broken pieces are collected and placed with the others they will become a part of something beautiful. So far the other side of this looks to be more amazing than I ever imagined.

Getting Exactly What You Ask For

How many times have you uttered the words... "Lord, please give me patience"  what exactly are you expecting when you say it? I know what I wanted when I made the fatal mistake of saying those words. I wanted to be relieved of the aggravation I was feeling, I expected to be sent by way of divine intervention a peace and sense of calm. Isn't that what we are asking for when we pray for patience? We all want to be able to calmly deal with the situation at hand, not be the screaming, red faced lunatic that we are seconds from becoming as we utter those 5 words?

So those were the expectations.. what did I get when I prayed those fatal words? I got exactly what I asked for.. just not at that precise moment. What the Lord gave me were many situations that taught me how to be patient, how to humble myself into patience for situations minor and major. When I start to feel a little bit of that person I was a few years ago creeping back in and those words come into my mind I stop and remind myself of all those difficult instances I have endured in order teach me patience and I think "this really isn't so bad, I can wait" then I use that waiting time to pray, to thank the Lord for something, some small something in my life.

Which brings me to the next big thing here.. Life is full of lessons.. I am constantly learning them. God isn't like a Genie in the bottle, we can't just rub the bible, clap our hands together say a prayer and expect something to happen. I would be lying, as would most of us if I didn't say there weren't times in my life that I expected instant responses. Sometimes still that monster known as impatience rears her ugly head. 

 I have a daily prayer I say every morning, I pray for peace in my heart to follow Gods will in my life with out protest or fear. A few days ago I sat in a parking lot thinking about an elderly man, praying for those I love in my life and wondering about the future for all of us. It is hard to not have protest and fear when you have no idea which doors are opening and which doors are closing. When I first wrote this entry 2 years ago life was very different, we were starting on the path that led us here. We were certainly at a crossroad.  We are again in a time of great change, this time we are in a safe place surrounded by love and peace. Changes are different and are acceptable. They are stressful and frighting, but not in the same way as they were before we moved. Today I pray asking the Lord to open the right doors and close the wrong doors. I ask to keep the wrong people out of my life and the right ones close by and the wisdom to know the difference. I am facing several major life decisions right now once again. 

Decisions and Doors..

James 1:2-5 tells you to consider your trials all joy, that the testing produces endurance- and that we

should let the endurance have its perfect result. So we will be complete and lacking in nothing. If you need wisdom, pray and God will give you wisdom.. So here I am, opening a pandoras box. Asking for doors to be opened and closed. Knowing in my heart walking through those open doors there will be trials; trials that will truly test my faith. How do you discern an open door with testing from a closed door? If this was Hollywood a voice would boom down and tell you "HEY YOU- keep going"  or "Yo, Dummy, back off." Since this is reality we don't get any cool special effects like that. We get the pain of making bad choices and the joy of success with the right ones.

Telling Your Story...

None of us are comprised of a single story. Our lives are many stories woven together intricately to create who we become. There are moments of heroism and moments of vulnerability. When you tell your story, which ever part you chose to share tell it with your whole heart.

There are parts my story, parts of me, that I will only share with my spouse, or the person that will become my spouse when that time comes. Some things are simply to personal. There are stories, and moments, that I will share openly. Sometimes these are things others would hold tightly to themselves. Many trials we have suffered openly and we have come through them because of the sense of community, because of the love and support we received from thousands of people who prayed for us, but we never met. Currently we are in one of those periods of life. This is a time I would rather continue to hold private, but I can not. We are not doing well, and we are at the end of our rope, there are no more knots to be tied at this point. I am, as always, telling a part of our story with my whole heart. I know we will come through this and look back with a heart full of love and this too will become another piece, another part of our testimony. For those of you that have seen the link on caringbridge, this is no different, it is the same one. For others, this link is my moment of vulnerability.

A month of Near Silence.....and Why

Farmer Brown really caught me off guard, and touched me deeply. He made me realize that there are people in my life that I am failing to be the person they need, and the person God intends. We all have work to do, but it must start somewhere. I know I must take the first step. Through Farmer Brown I realized I need to make significant changes not just for myself but for them as well. Farmer Brown is not the first stranger to speak to me like this either. When we met the hitchhiker a little more than a year ago my eyes were opened to truths then as well. I was pushed into doubt and frustration at that time. With Farmer Brown I received confirmation of things I knew which caused me to begin a battle with personal demons, a lot of "whys" and even some internal refusals.

 It is important to "be still and listen" I am still, and constantly listening. Quite often receiving the message is much easier than taking the necessary action. There have been times I have felt tormented with the things the Lord has wanted me to speak or placed in my heart to do. I have reached the point in certain areas that I understand and have reached a point of acceptance, between the hitchhiker a little more than a year ago and Farmer Brown just a month ago. It was not easy to come to the place I am now, and believe me I am still struggling, so if you are around me, understand my very real silence at times. 

I realized so many things in the days after seeing Farmer Brown in the hospital parking lot. I continued to think about his words and our interaction. I needed some time to myself, some time to not "share" myself. 

I am back, I have some things to share this month. Some of the posts many of you may recognize, I feel they are worth sharing with important messages.

Farmer Brown

 Over the years I have learned there are no accidents in life, there are no "mishaps" every moment is designed to bring us to the place we are for purpose. There are times that we are acutely (sometimes painfully) aware  the instant it happens other times it will be years later when we retrospectively look back at our lives that we make the connections. 
  It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, but the glory of kings is to search out a matter. Proverbs 25:1 

I frequently tell people of the many wisdoms Father Rossi shared with me. One of the most important things was to "be still and listen" yesterday I did just that. I was in an unfamiliar place and saw a bench, it was rather hot, but the breeze felt nice in the shade. I was not in a particular hurry and something in my heart just said to sit and be still for a while. So I did. I sat and watched people come and go for a while, smiled as they passed me by.

 Then I saw him.

The most charming elderly man, certainly a man that had lived in the area his entire life emerged from the building wearing brown pants and a tan shirt. It wasn't just his adorable "old man attire" that caught my attention. Attached to his very well shined up walker was a John Deer Green sign that said "Farmer Brown" in yellow letters, on the other side of the walker was similar plaque that stated "Oliver" I was being approached by "Farmer Oliver Brown" As Farmer Brown shuffled closer to the bench  I was actually overcome with the urge to go hug the stranger. Instead of raising to the lever of a total freak I smiled at him. I noticed a woman walking toward him, she was from an assisted living facility. She asked if he thought he could make it to the van. I looked up and thought "no way" she had parked across the parking lot. It was currently nearly 100 outside, the poor fellow would have a heat stroke trying to cross the parking lot. He looked up from his slightly hunched over position and shook his head. I slide over on the bench and patted the seat next to me "come have a seat" He became animated and said "Look at the audacity of this young lady" I just laughed. He winked. His helper assisted him to sit down and warned him not to bite me, to which I replied not to worry I will bite back. He chuckled. As she left to get the van he finished his drink which was from a red solo cup, the reusable ones. I don't know why I found that so amusing, but I certainly did. The country song kept running though my head as I watched him drink. As he slurped the last bit he handed it to me as though I was there to help him. Which was just fine. The he patted my leg and offered me advice. Advice that made it tough for me not to cry as I thought about his life and what the words meant to him as he shared them with me. "Always love him, that's all he wants, we can be real stubborn" "do you understand?" After he said those words he looked at me as though I was supposed to say something so as I am choking back tears I said "okay" Then he took my hand and he told me "just be there for him so he is not alone, God doesn't mean for us to be alone"  and he squeezed my hand. As I looked at this man it took every thing I had not to sob as I thought about him being alone. His van was already at the curb, his helper was waiting for him. I watched him get up, handed his helper his red solo cup; he turned around and told me "I am 92 years old, I know a thing or two" and with that he got on the van.  I watched him get on the van and through the tinted windows I saw an elderly man sit alone. I felt sadness in my heart as I watched them drive away. I imagine he had once had someone he loved greatly and now missed her as she was gone. I hated seeing him alone going back to the assisted living facility. Even in writing this it brings tears to my eyes and pain in my heart for anyone alone. In that instant there was a very personal moment I had. I did have to leave, I certainly was not going to sob on the bench in public. The reason I was compelled to sit for nearly 45 minutes on that bench for no good reason? It was for that moment to occur. I needed to be reminded that relationships matter. Over the last several months I have been with the mind set that certain things just don't matter. This was a very clear reminder that connections do matter. 

Yesterday was a day I won't soon forget. I woke up  feeling like I was at the lowest point in my life. I have always been on the other side of the coin I was flipping. The emotions I was trying to process started to pile up long before yesterday. Over the last week I have had the highest high to the lowest low. I have realized the Lord was using this to bring me back to where I need to be spiritually. As I sat yesterday at the Ada Jenkins Center I gained new perspective as I choked back tears feeling completely humbled with new perspective. Little did I know the day was going to end at the hospital on a much higher note than it began. Farmer Brown is not a man I will soon forget, just like the stranger we picked up hitchhiking about a year ago. People can come into your life briefly and make lasting impressions on your heart with few words.

Clickbait

Roughly 3 weeks ago we opened up our door to invite Time Warner to plug cable into our home. With this came lots of news media; this was the motivating factor for me. Yes, I am a news junkie. That may come as a shock to a lot of people; I am a closet junkie. I keep a great many of my political views to myself. Attempting to discuss politics in the home I came from always meant things were going to become volatile. That didn't just go for politics, religion was another subject that could not be civilly discussed. To this day I rarely discuss politics except on a surface level. Religion is a different matter. I will talk about it all day and to anyone. Politics have no baring on anyone's eternity. knowledge regarding the truth of Jesus Christ does. I will engage in a discussion with anyone at anytime in those matters. Just not politics.

When it comes to reading and watching the news what matters? Why get worked up? We enjoy it, people enjoy feeling. Those in media know this. Social media is no different.  Some people enjoy feeling the wrong emotions. Some people enjoy attention in the wrong way and they will do nefarious things to get the attention they are seeking. Some are in need of it because of psychological issues they have, others are just mean because they lack love. Regardless of the reasons these attention seekers are relentless and will create facts and issues that are none existant and to great lengths to perpetuate a myth. The internet is a big wide world full of lots of personalities. Each of us are responsible for what we allow into our homes when we are clicking. Much different than when we turn on a TV. This was one reason we did not have cable for so many years. I prefer to have control over what I allow into my home, but I can't stand to give up my addiction to the news now that I have had to taste of 24/7 access!

As I stand in the kitchen preparing food for our cookout today I watch some TED talks as per my usual, some habits are hard to break even with the 24/7 news access.  I came across this talk. Meaningful in many ways. She makes many powerful statements that we can all learn from. My advice after hearing this, take control of what you click and even watch. When you stop clicking, it may stop happening.

Back to School

Summer is over and the buses are slowing down traffic again. There is a slight chill in the air every morning; how quickly time passes. I thought about the passing of time as I looked at my girls sleeping early Monday morning. Britt about to wake up and start her senior year in high school, Heather about to start 8th grade. It seems like just yesterday that they were "real" babies not just my "babies" I can close my eyes and so easily go back to the hectic days of diapers and packing book bags for the two older sisters (both now close to finishing college) Trying to feed an infant, change a toddlers diaper and get everyone in school so I could get to work. Those mornings were so chaotic, but when I close my eyes and think back. I would give anything to bring those moments into my life now. Not to go back, I don't ever want to go back, but to have those precious moments and experience them differently; for my older girls to know the love and support of a mom and "dad" just like Britt and Heather have known for the last few years. There are times I find myself getting upset when I linger too long on those thoughts, I remind myself that the Lord blessed us with incredible people that helped the older girls develop into beautiful self assured women. Their lives were enriched with amazing experiences, just different than what the "little" girls have gotten. ...and those were the thoughts as I looked at my sleeping girls on the first day of school. It is bitter sweet as they grow up, so many wonderful things are happening for them as they grow, as parents you can't help but have a desire to hang on just a bit longer.

Many of you have watched them grow up over the last 10 years through various means. Some in person, some simply through my words and videos. Regardless of how you have come to know us you blinked like I did and the girls have arrived at this moment in life.

 Kids are really funny about pictures when they reach certain ages. Just to get these two first day of school photos nearly took an act of congress. Heathers hand is off of her face simply because her nurse bribed her with Starbucks, yes, she is a little coffee drinker. Make that a skinny vanilla latte please. She is caught between growing up and being a little girl.Then that silly sister Britt is no different. Notice this is a "selfie" she is a teen so of course it is. I pulled out my camera, you might have thought I pointed a water gun at her and asked her to engage me in a battle before school. It was horrible. This is the girl that takes pictures of herself frequently and for no reason. I took a couple of pictures and gave up. When I picked my phone back up I discovered she had taken several of these candid selfies for me. Certainly not the "getting ready" photos I had planned on getting. oh, well.

The bus came for Britt then the van came for Heather.

Heather Ri is doing something a little different this year. Andrew and I discussed in the IEP meeting last year that we felt she needed to be removed from dance class. She had expressed frustration with the class; and anyone that has seen the school dance performance videos can see how miserable she was in the class. Over the summer she had the opportunity to attend a dance camp with 4 and 5 year olds and loved every second of it. This was a very different environment than what takes place in a typical middle school dance class. With this knowledge Andrew addressed the situation when he was handed her schedule on "meet the teacher" night. Since she is in a self contained class room she only goes into the regular ed class for one elective. We were given a list of classes to look over and decide  what to move her into. Art appeared to the the best option. Heather loves art, she carries around a notebook and pencil all the time at home. She has always loves painting and anything that allows her to express herself creatively. We were told it might take two weeks to change the schedule; she starts tomorrow. I love how quickly things get taken care of. I continue to receive affirmations in moments of doubt that our move was the right thing to do. As long as we continue  have faith, to rely full on the Lord,  He will continue to provide for us and guide our way.

Faith is the assurance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.

Britt had a very tough year last year. She had some significant health issues last year as well. She was able to maintain her grades with a lot of exempted work. I sat in several meetings last year faced with a team of teachers that stated it was going to be impossible for her to pass even with exempted work. They stated that no student would be able to pass exams in her situation. I simply asked them to give her a chance. Britt isn't just any student. They were planning on her failure before giving her a chance. After our final discussion they were willing to work with us and allow her the opportunity to try, I actually almost felt like I was being humored. It didn't matter. Each of her teachers were on board, almost.  The only teacher that gave us a hard time was her Spanish instructor. Which I found ironic. We live in a mostly Spanish speaking community; Britt is immersed in not only Spanish language but culture as well. She refused to exempt any work and stated she had to be present to receive instruction daily. Which went against the 504. She promised me it would be impossible for her to pass the exam but if she passed the exam she would pass the class and all work would be exempted. I felt like I was making a bet on a race horse, it felt like we should be spitting in the palms of our hands and shaking on it. I was not going to let her fail, Britt is very intelligent. The end of the year came and she passed the exam, one point away from getting an A (I can only imagine this teacher was shocked and unhappy, she isn't  nice person.) I wanted her to be happy in the meeting, she wasn't. That was upsetting, but I had to let it go. Sitting across from her once more was very rewarding. In my head I was being very juvenile and saying "nanananana" but I kept it mature (even though I kept saying that with my inside the head voice) and adult by just reminding her that no student should be denied the opportunity to succeed just as no student should be expected to fail. She passed all of her classes with A's and B's even though she missed more than 100 days of school.  This year she is in honors classes and is very excited about several of them. I am impressed with the options the school offers. Britt has the opportunity to take an Honors Forensic Science class and so far loves the class, she has also been very talkative about her Honors English class and appears to have teachers she likes well. I pray this is a good year for both girls.

As we enter the fall season I have a renewed sense of hope and knowledge that we are leading the girls in the right direction. There are issues we continue to work on, but that is a reality every one faces in life. As Christians we are growing and working on becoming the best versions of ourselves each day. We succeed and we fail. When we fail we look at what we did and make the conscious effort not to repeat the same mistake again. When we succeed we feel good and find it easy to thank the Lord. During those times of  trial failure we shouldn't ever forget to always rejoice as well.

Don't be timid, walk by faith, trust the Lord to guide your way. Fully submit your heart and life. The difference it makes is amazing. 

A Birthweek Surrounded by Friends

This past week has been amazing. August is a month full of birthdays in our family. First we celebrate Heather Rileys then my own followed by Britts a week later. Another year to celebrate love and life. I look back at all we have overcome as a family and all we still face in the coming year. I know we have much to be thankful for even in our trials the Lord is working for us, in those trials I am always thankful. There has yet to be an event we have been through that I have not looked back upon in retrospect and said “yes, I see the Lord was carrying us in those times in preparation for this” 

 This year on my birthday I was invited to Carowinds and had a great time hanging out with my

friend Charles. I really enjoyed getting my picture taken with the Peanuts Gang. I am just a big kid at heart. When I don't have to be a professional I enjoy laughing and having a good time. I gravitate toward people and situations that allow that part of me to come out. Life is so serious it is important to relax and smile, laughter is vital. Everyone that knows me knows I have a playful nature. I love to see a smile on the faces of others around me as well. Smiles from the inside out are new for us since moving. We are experiencing real love and joy in a safe environment and it is amazing.

As the week continued more surprises were to occur. We were reunited with friends very dear to us. Friends that came to me and said“yes, this is one of the reasons for your trial, we needed to know it was possible to survive it. There are situations in life no individual should ever endure, no mother, father, sister, brother or any care giver. When you find yourself in rough waters it is good to know another has rafted the river before and made it out alive. This mom and I have been friends almost longer than I can remember. Our children share a diagnosis, but they share so much more. They share a friendship and a bond that doesn't always need words. Entire play dates have passed without a word spoken, they very simply communicated through the language of commonality and camaraderie. That does not require spoken language.

This photo was taken when our children were 5 or 6, at the Childrens Museum in Greensboro. It was a wonderful day to grown and learn. This past week when Michele and I watched the kids play, in our minds this is what we saw. Two young children smiling innocent smiles with a world of opportunity ahead of them. Totally unaware of the unspeakable things either would endure in years to come. 

A friend moving away is one of the hardest things in life. Losing touch with someone that holds a piece of your heart is difficult, but when you are reunited it is one of the sweetest moments in life you can taste. The second you see that person is like tasting the most delectable fruit on the tree. My friend and I don't get to see each other often, time and distance are not a friend of ours, but when we do it is amazing and as if no time has ever passed (except the fact we are starting to look a little older, just like those kids pictured above) This week was our time to see each other, few hugs in my life ever felt so sweet..

Yeah, okay, so that isn't a photo of us in a sweet made for the big screen embrace, you certainly didn't think we would be all emotional on camera did you? One thing Michele and I know how to do - is laugh is the face of difficulty; we have maintained our sense of humor and through that maintained our sense  of self while holding our families together though the unimaginable. I openly admit I love this woman in a way no one could ever understand (dude, not like that!- and M, dry those tears up! I hear your snottin' all the way down south)

Spending even one day with together after years was like no time ever passed. The amazing thing is how true this held for our children. Two kids that had not seen each other in years came together as though it had only been hours since their last play date.

 We wondered what would happen when a third person came into the picture. If he would be accepted or if E would retreat and become quiet and retreat to a corner. Inside I knew what would happen. I have watched the magic of Andrew with special needs kids more than once. He has such a gentle and calm presence I felt confident that they would all have fun. Michele and I watched in anticipation.



In no time at all there was splashing and laughter from the three as if they were old friends. Before we could even talk about it we noticed these three laughing and having more fun than ever imagined.

One of Heathers favorite games is jumping into the pool. These guys found a game that was even more fun. Andrew was a great sport letting the kids climb on his back and launching off like rockets. There were times it looked like they were flying!

                                            What goes up must come down

                                   Heather Riley wasn't the only one to take a jump.

                                               This boy is ready for the long jump!

After Andrew pretended to be the diving board they wanted to have a competition.

 All three of them jumped in over and over; who can make the biggest splash? Who can jump he farthest? Who can do a cannonball? belly flop anyone? I could sit for hours and watch just Heather and Andrew play these games, having Heathers oldest friend laughing and playing too was heavenly!

Everyone had worked up an appetite and it was time for me to close up the pool. Andrew took us all out for Mexican at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants. We had a great time sharing a meal together. After dinner was done and we had said good bye Britt and I both cried a little on the way home. Britt turned to me and said she missed having "real people" to spend time with. While that may seem like a strange comment, it really wasn't. There are so many particulars that we "get" when we talk, sometimes just a knowing glance is all it takes and we can laugh about something. I don't think I realized just how much I missed moments like that.
 We had a wonderful day and all feel blessed to have had the opportunity to spend such a great time together. I know the kids were happy to be reunited, as well as to get home and into their beds.

Heathers Brithday is done, my Birthday has passed now we are gearing up to celebrate Britts Birthday, the girls sister Carolines Birthday is just a couple of days after Britts. All month we have had excitement and joy for the Birthday celebrations. We are excited to see what the days hold. We don't make plans right now, we take the days as they come, moment by moment to live, laugh and love.

A Birthday of Blessings

I received news at work Monday that generally speaking would devastate most people. The reality is that I have been praying about several situations for quite some time; it took very little time for me to

realize that this was the Lord providing me with clear direction. Do not mistake me, I am frustrated, but I trust His word and I know several things; one of those is that all things work together for the good of those who are called according to His purpose. Each of us has a purpose, a calling. Do I hear His calling in my life, I do. There are times I try to ignore it, times like Jonah I ignore Him and try to rebel. I pretend I can run away from what He is asking me to do because I feel like it is more than I can do. When I do this I find myself in the belly of a proverbial whale.

So here I am, spit out onto the shore, with the knowledge of what I must do, again.

There is always joy in the journey. I never focus to long and hard on the darkness. I try to find the light. 

Heather Riley turned 15 on Tuesday August 5th. I have had tickets to Carowinds since the start of summer. Each year we get to go as a family compliments of the Make a Wish Foundation. This is an event we look forward to all year. This year I started to realize that I was not going to be able to go with the family even though we planned to go on Heathers birthday. I was coming to the conclusion that I would have to tell Andrew and the girls I had to work and they would be spending Heathers birthday without me at the amusement park. My heart was broken over the decision, but I was confidant they would have an excellent time. Andrew has a natural ability to make sure the girls have a good time, his smile just makes people feel good.

Several events that could have been viewed as devastating occurred and I was able to go. I am not going into the details of those events, I will say this though. It was the answer to a prayer. There have been things going on that needed resolution and this gave me the clear direction that I was seeking. I have felt like a lost sheep for some time. I am also thankful for the ability to understand His word and find comfort for I know that no matter what our circumstances are the Lord is with me and will never leave me, I have strength and courage-  "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”  Deuteronomy 31:6. Knowing that and  the fact that everything is working together, good and bad for my good I am not worried, I am celebrating the moments of joy I have right now. Those moments are things like spending Heathers 15th birthday with her and other family members we had no idea we would see.

The morning we were leaving for Carowinds we discovered her half brother Travis was there with his girlfriend. Heather loves her brother, since we weren't certain we would see him we kept it a secret until we knew we would find him. We also discovered The girls cousin, Jade was there. Not only did this happen but Heathers older sister who wasn't able to make it showed up. Just after lunch our little family of five had become a family reunion of ten and a very happy group.We could never have coordinated this!  It was hard enough trying to plan a trip with just the four girls.
The day was a wonderful day of pure joy. After leaving Carowinds Heathers sister Sarah and cousin were able to spend two days with us, her brother Travis was able to come the next day and have dinner with us. It was excellent. Family is so important to Heather.  It is always amazing when you are able to look back at an event and catch a glimpse of of how the Lord is using a piece of it to work in your favor. I know there is so much more to come. No harm shall come to us, unless it is for our good. I look forward to the doors that are going to open in our future, I am curious as to which doors are going to close. No matter what I know there are great things headed our way.