Have you ever read a book and enjoyed it so much you were genuinely upset when it ended?
Our own lives can be that way. We have chapters of our life, when they close evoke similar feelings as we realize they are closing.
Over the last several months I have known a beautiful chapter in our lives was coming to an end and a new one was going to begin soon. As each page turned it was with a great deal of mixed emotion that I watched the pages turn. There were times that I was even outside of myself during events, watching everything take place as an outsider simply trying to drink in every moment to impress upon my memory the laughter, joy, every line upon certain faces, the smell of people, the way the sun felt on my skin that day, the sparkles in the girls eyes- every moment so in the future some small something from those seconds might occur again and spark a memory to bring me back to that same moment in time and allow me the privilege of experiencing it in my heart for just a moment all over again. I stopped taking so many pictures so I could be in the moments as they occurred, missing nothing.
I have a journal that I have kept since Heather was an infant, one night I pulled the journal out and I flipped back through the pages. I read some with intent. I have had a recurring dream in my life. I have never owned a green car because of this dream. In the dream there are 6 people in the car, we lose control of the car and only one person gets out of the car, as the car is still spinning I am able to regain control and we drive as the other person walks around in close proximity to the car. There is much more, but it is very personal; as I read the words I had written over a period of years, the same dream over and over again. Recounted page after page for several years with emotion ranging from joy to anger. Suddenly this part made a different kind of sense. It no longer gave me an impending sense of doom, instead I understood it in a new way. This green car is life, and I simply have to take control myself. I have to learn to do things on my own a little. The good thing about it is that I know, how some of this turns out. I trust God. I trust that because everything else has been true so far, this will as well.
I have loved the chapter of life we were in, it has been the most beautiful chapter ever written, many times I could see the Lords hand writing the words Himself. Our lives changed, we changed. All four of us are better people because of each other. Each of us must turn new pages and start a new chapter and those chapters will be different for each of us. The roles we will play for one another is going to
be changing to. This is why I have not wanted to turn the page and start writing. When God says it is time to step, you must step, otherwise He will force the issue. I have looked around at the utter chaos and finally agreed in prayer to submit. I know, I have known. When you rebel against His will for your life that's what happens. He has a plan for you, don't mess it up by using your will over His. So I close this chapter and open a new one, with both sadness and joy for each of us.
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