"God Give Me"

"God Give me peace in my heart to follow Your will for my life without protest or fear"


This is the  prayer I have prayed for years, longer than I can remember actually. The same words over and over and over. I don't wake up and face the day without asking the Lord to meet this vital need, I dare not lay my head down at night without asking for it as well.

 One day about a year ago I realized I had been granted what I was asking for and I should THANK
God for giving me what my selfish greedy human heart was continuing to ask for day in and day out.
I woke up and it was as if a jolt of electricity had hit me the realization darted through my thick skull; through so many of lifes storms I had been given the peace I so desperately pleaded for, not just peace but a grace to walk through those storms and show others His love and give them hope through our journey. I realized how so many times the Lord had provided a way for my family when there seemed to not be a way and in those moments when things looked darkest ultimately I had calm in my heart. Looking back I found peace in situations without Gods hand over me it would not have been possible to have had a moment of rest for my heart.

I stopped in that moment - had I thanked God every day that he was giving me exactly what I was praying so fervently for? Of course I was thanking him along the way for my blessings, as we certainly should; but was I thanking Him for answering my prayer as He so obviously had been all along? I had not been, and certainly that had to change.

I also realized I had been following His will for my life without protest for quite some time. "Without protest" and "without question, or hesitation" are definitely two different things. So many times in my life's journey I have felt the Holy Spirit nudging me in a direction and I have felt hesitant to make a move, or questioned if I should do something. I stopped protesting  quite some time ago. I learned its a road to nowhere, God will continue placing you onto a path that leads you in His direction when you are His children. We are slow sometimes, it takes a lot for us to see what may be right in front of us at times. "The hardest things to learn are the least complicated" (yes, those are song lyrics)  When God says to step you step in that direction. It comes down to timing and delivery now and then. Not long ago I was willing, ready, and planning to move my entire family to Uganda. Sometimes I think about that and I still feel a sadness, do I think this is a calling the Lord has for me? Yes, the timing is just not right. There are other things in my life I still have to do right here, right now. A confession of my own, I was running away from some of it. Sometimes the challenge feels to big, and sometimes the inevitable heart ache will be too big as well, so running a continent away just felt right.

 Along the road many people have emailed me, and spoken with me about our life, how my ability to speak up and share experiences has helped them.  It has not always been easy for me to share pieces of myself, but I have, at times, felt a calling to share certain things. I knew there was someone that needed to "hear" something I was going to share- be it online or in spoken word. This was part of his Will. There are many people that have touched me deeply by simply sending an email about how they found profound meaning in something I wrote, said, or did. I believe our trials have purpose, I know there are people who have come to Him through our lives. It is never my intention to be profound, I am simply myself. I am incredibly flawed;  I am clay constantly being molded and remolded into something new.

I have listened and followed His voice to the best of my ability. When I felt I was supposed to turn away from something I did, no matter how hard it was.This is currently where we are in our lives. There are a great many things in our lives creating clutter. Many people noticed over the last week or so I am no longer on Facebook. I have a hundred reasons for leaving, and I doubt I will ever go back.
Those that are close to my family sometimes think I am "uptight" about certain things. Maybe so, if I babysit your children, or you spend time in my home expect to be subjected to a few hours of my quiet nature. Sitting on a porch, and talking instead of watch hours of TV or having inappropriate music playing in the background while young children "twerk" and adults laugh (I can't stand the idea of it).  Why? Simply because society has changed -does not mean that the Lord has. What is right and proper remains right and proper.

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
- Matthew 713-14

Why even mention this? Because, I ask the Lord to provide me with peace in my heart on a daily basis. How can any of us have peace in our hearts when we fill our minds and hearts with things that are everything but peaceful? I am trying very hard to get both the girls and myself to a better place emotionally and spiritually. Taking away negativity that world bombards us with constantly is where we are at now. 

Thanking God for answering my simple prayer is something I have needed to do, humans are such selfish creatures, self centered and selfish by nature. It is a mercy that the Lord loves us and understands our nature.   We are blessed to have a loving Father to always turn to. One that loves us unconditionally and will always be there regardless of what we are and have done, even when we are at our most unlovable. 

So I now remember to praise Him, and thank Him for answering my prayer, for giving me sufficient grace to get through life's hardest moments for taking away from fear and allowing me to follow His will for my life without too much protest.

Turning Pages, New Chapters

Have you ever read a book and enjoyed it so much you were genuinely upset when it ended?

Our own lives can be that way. We have chapters of our life, when they close evoke similar feelings as we realize they are closing.

Over the last several months I have known a beautiful chapter in our lives was coming to an end and a new one was going to begin soon. As each page turned it was with a great deal of mixed emotion that I watched the pages turn. There were times that I was even outside of myself during events, watching everything take place as an outsider simply trying to drink in every moment to impress upon my memory the laughter, joy, every line upon certain faces, the smell of people, the way the sun felt on my skin that day,  the sparkles in the girls eyes- every moment so in the future some small something from those seconds might occur again and spark a memory to bring me back to that same moment in time and allow me the privilege of experiencing it in my heart for just a moment all over again. I stopped taking so many pictures so I could be in the moments as they occurred, missing nothing.

I have a journal that I have kept since Heather was an infant, one night I pulled the journal out and I flipped back through the pages. I read some with intent. I have had a recurring dream in my life. I have never owned a green car because of this dream. In the dream there are 6 people in the car, we lose control of the car and only one person gets out of the car, as the car is still spinning I am able to regain control and we drive as the other person walks around in close proximity to the car. There is much more, but it is very personal; as I read the words I had written over a period of years, the same dream over and over again. Recounted  page after page for several years with emotion ranging from joy to anger. Suddenly this part made a different kind of sense. It no longer gave me an impending sense of doom, instead I understood it in a new way. This green car is life, and I simply have to take control myself. I have to learn to do things on my own a little. The good thing about it is that I know, how some of this turns out. I trust God. I trust that because everything else has been true so far, this will as well. 

I have loved the chapter of life we were in, it has been the most beautiful chapter ever written, many times I could see the Lords hand writing the words Himself. Our lives changed, we changed. All four of us are better people because of each other. Each of us must turn new pages and start a new chapter and those chapters will be different for each of us. The roles we will play for one another is going to

be changing to. This is why I have not wanted to turn the page and start writing. When God says it is time to step, you must step, otherwise He will force the issue. I have looked around at the utter chaos and finally agreed in prayer to submit. I know, I have known. When you rebel against His will for your life that's what happens. He has a plan for you, don't mess it up by using your will over His. So I close this chapter and open a new one, with both sadness and joy for each of us.

Walking Through Doors..

Months ago I was looking for new direction in life. I decided to roll the dice and follow my dream. Those that know my girls and I; know that we have a love for helping people. All kinds of people in all situations. For most of my adult life it has been my deepest desire to take my family to Africa as missionaries.  I came across a group that does just that, with a paid position open in the very place I most wanted to go, doing a job very close and personal to me. It was a position that allowed for an entire family to go. With a 24 month contract- and a possibility of extensions after 24 months.

Imagine how I felt as I read the qualifications and realized I was more than qualified. I simply needed references and letters of recommendation. I contacted people who knew me in the right capacities to write letters and give references, I spent over an hour filling out the application. As time went on and I didn't hear anything from the organization I assumed a better suited candidate was chosen, and that this was simply not Gods will for my life at this time. I admit as I came to this conclusion my heart felt a slight sting, but eventually I shrugged it off. I have an amazing job with a growing company. I enjoy my position and have some great new co-workers. I started to look to the future and see that I can grow where I am, and maybe this is where I should be right now. Everything in His time, not mine. Just as I heard in the church so many years ago, very clearly- "my time, not yours"

After I had reconciled to not going to Uganda, I received a phone call, a phone call led to an interview and the interview led to me being offered the position for my dream job. An offer was on the table, I was given time to think it over. It was like a whirlwind, the world was changing quickly, or was about to change, had the potential to change. I could hardly believe what was taking place.

What do you do? I had spent years dreaming of this moment. Suddenly I was paralyzed. Every fiber of my body screamed yes. I had more than just myself to think of though. I have two girls at home, one with intense medical needs. Despite how healthy she is there is still a very delicate balance that must be kept. The more time I spent in prayer the more obvious it became this would be the ultimate step of faith if I said yes. There were many unknowns, as I recall those first moments spent pensively considering the entire situation my heart flutters with joyful and anxious excitement, with just the memory of those moments.

I spent two weeks praying over this situation, and asked others to do the same. I needed to have peace in my heart if I said "yes" or if I said "no thank you" It was imperative to know that it was the Lords calling and it was happening within His timing. Not a trap laid by the evil one to lead me into failure and a path to feeling defeat beyond what am able to handle. I had to know I was not going to be traveling to Uganda and putting my family into danger; testing my faith and leading me to lose my passion and faith. Something even the strongest of believers can have happen given the right set of circumstances.

Every fiber of my being screamed for me to say "yes" from the moment I received the offer. Even when the reasoning voice in my head said "no" my heart said "yes" I practiced declining the position as well as accepting the position. As I did this I spent time picturing our lives in what I began to refer to as "after"  I imagined having to kick my  Starbucks skinny vanilla latte habit (gulp) that was a pretty serious obstacle for me, really. I had to skip the bucks today and I had a pretty grumbly morning. City life has certainly changed me a bit. I wondered how the girls would adjust to life without internet and electronics all the time, the possibility of no electricity either. As I half joked to myself about these things- I stopped, I realized while of course, these would be a period of adjustment; what is the goal here? Could we manage and adjust? Of course we would. We are survivors. Most people have no idea what we have endured on our way to where we are. By keeping our focus on what is important and our faith we have lived through some horrible circumstances. Living as missionaries in Uganda would certainly not be "horrible" and if that was how it was going to be viewed we shouldn't consider it. The truth is those things, Starbucks and electricity don't matter  Being where God calls us to be is what matters, that was where the words of my dear friend Pastor Charles hit me where it counts "being where God calls you to be"

During the course of my decision making process I spoke with very few people about the opportunity. I was afraid of the influence others may have over me. My heart was already so tender and emotionally I was feeling all over the place. The words of Pastor Charles were the most powerful of anyone. My feelings had been hurt by the words of some over the opportunity. People can be unintentionally cruel, and sometimes when people are scared they say things that are hurtful as well. I had to keep it in perspective when my feelings were hurt.

Where is God calling me to be? That was the question that continued in my heart and mind, it was my constant prayer. I felt certain I knew. I felt certain this position was the right direction.

When it came time to give my answer, I gave it with confidence. During the call I asked many questions; each of the responses we exactly what I needed to proceed with accepting the position.

Yes, I said yes.

As soon as I hung up the phone I felt a twinge of panic.

What had I just done?

I had just signed up for two years in Africa with my family, my family meaning the girls and I. How would we leave Andrew? This is something I think about often for a variety of reasons. Andrew and I have an amazing friendship; but certainly he wasn't going to be coming with us. I admit that the girls and I are  dependent upon Andrew as our protector, and leader and have been. It wasn't something anyone planned, it just happened. I had said yes to leaving the country, and Andrew. How would Heather manage emotionally losing Andrew for two years?

I started having second thoughts.

That weekend Heather was to compete in the State Cheer Competition; Saturday morning when Andrew arrived my heart, while joyful and filled with excitement over the day and my new opportunity, was heavy with sadness. As we celebrated Heathers milestone that day  I started to think I had made the wrong decision. I started to grasp what my girls would be losing. I knew they would be gaining much, but on a scale which was greater? At that moment the losses looked heavier.

Love and family are very important to us.

It took us a very long time to get to where we are. I am a very solitary person, but the relationships I have are very important to me.  Given a choice I would rather spend any given evening at home cooking with Andrew and the girls, watching a movie and playing Wii games, or having pillow fights, or any of the other silly things we do. Many people spend their lives searching for just a portion of what we share as friends; could I break the family unit we created up? Was this Gods will in my life? Why was I having these thoughts now so much, why did my heart feel pulled so hard to stay now? Was there something I was missing? had missed?

I spoke with Charles about how I was feeling. He continued to talk to me about how he felt I was supposed to be here, my calling was to continue advocacy within the special needs community, continue public speaking and helping others in the capacity I had been. May be in the future greater opportunities would open up. I knew he was right, I have a passion for advocacy, and I love public speaking.

In that conversation I knew he was right, but my heart still was filled with passion for the position I had accepted. In my mind my furniture had already been put in storage and the girls and I were saying good bye to friends and family. - I was torn. 

I sat down one night and I wrote a heart felt email to my new employer. In the email I declined the position. I sat staring at my computer screen and cried, I cried until there were no tears left. There came a time when I realized I was no longer crying over the position. My tears were over so much more.  I saved it as a draft. I didn't want to make an emotional decision, those are always bad. I needed to make my move rationally.

I have made my final decision, it was one of the hardest decisions have have made, but we are staying here. I am going to continue employment where I am. As I prayed I asked for clear signs about 3 issues in my life, I frequently have to say to the Lord, you know I can be pretty slow, so make this clear to me. Certainly those three things have been made clear to me, with the heavy reminder for my need to be patient.

I hit the send button on my email. It was rational, filled with emotions, but a decision made rationally.

I will cry when I talk about the opportunity, my heart will always sting when I think about it. I know in my heart this was the right choice.  Next week I will sign the lease for my apartment for another year, we have lived here for 2 years now. I laughed when I thought about it- I hate moving. I have moved 3 times in my adult life- what would moving to another country have been like- certainly a bigger nightmare than just from city to city.

I walked through a door and crawled back in the window. Now I sit on my sofa and I remind myself of the words I heard so many years ago as I knelt in tears "in my time, not yours" Patience is difficult, especially when something seems so perfect, even when it is filled with imperfections.  

January 2015

The first month of a new year is coming to a close. 2015 has started out by taking my breath away. My baby Sarah turned 20, I now have two children in their 20's! That is something I can't even begin to wrap my mind around. Adult children. Even though I am (gasp) almost 40 on the inside I still feel like a 20 something quite often.

 Another "baby" had her last day of school, Brittany will be graduating high school next month. This month however she walked the halls of high school for the last time as a senior. It is on to bigger and better things. It is time to really plan for the future now.

Heather Riley has been amazing us with her growth and development. She cheers with typical girls. It was amazing. As her squad was handed second place trophies it realized instantly I needed to publicly thank the therapist that worked with her over the years too. I know their patience with her (and me at times) has brought her to the place she is now too.

We said good bye to our sedan and have an SUV, I was heart broken but am learning to adjust. Life is full of changes, and that was just one. Maybe it was the Lords way of preparing me for bigger changes He had in store. I do not like change much, big or small.

 I am asking for prayers as I spend the next few days in prayer myself. I have a personal decision to make. A door is before me, a door that could be the biggest change my girls and I have ever experienced. I have spent the last week praying, crying and considering all of the possibilities. I have a week left before I must make a final decision. I do not want to divulge what this decision is right now, I do not want opinions and the well meaning advice of others to cloud my ability to discern what I am to do. This is a difficult enough decision. I will ask for my friends to pray for me to have clarity of mind and direction. I continue to pray for peace in my heart to follow the Lords will without protest or fear, especially at this time in our lives.

A little Bit of Thanks

 Rejoice always;  pray without ceasing;  in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 

As Thanksgiving approaches I think more and more about what I am thankful for. I don't have to think very hard to come up with a long list of what to be thankful for. This year was not an easy year by any means. Last Thanksgiving if I had been asked to predict the next year I never would have guessed the trials we would have encountered. What does James 1:2-4 tell us? Consider it all joy knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance and to let endurance have its perfect result so you may be perfect  and complete, lacking in nothing. So, with those words in mind I worked though the trials of the last year. I wasn't always precisely cheerful, and I didn't celebrate our bad situations, but I was thankful to the Lord in all of our circumstances. I held on to the realization that He was moving in my life to place us in a better situation, on a better path, to put new people in our lives, to put us in the lives of new people as well. Those dark moments were teaching times, moments of introspection as well as retrospection. For those times I am thankful. We are constantly evolving, never fully complete always growing. 

This Thanksgiving week I have the opportunity to look back on a year of growth. Tonight Brittany handed me the date of her High School graduation, her early graduation. Tonight I had a conversation with a typical competition cheer coach about Heather Riley actually competing in January with the other girls, I look at my grown girls and I know they are on the paths to becoming adults that will make a difference in the lives of those they touch in the world. They are all four beautiful young women, with pure hearts. I am thankful God has allowed me to be their mother. 

I am thankful for the amazing friends I have in my life, those far and near. Both old and new. Over the last year I have gained at least one new friendship that I cherish more than this person may realize. Friendship is a vital part of the human condition. I let very few people into my life, I talk to many people on a casual basis, but very few on a personal level. I have marveled over the entrance of certain people into my life. This was one of those instances.

This Thanksgiving we turn to the Lord with praise for what is right, and ask for guidance in the other areas. This thanksgiving we are going to be quiet, just us at home. This year is a time for quiet reflection, a turkey and stuffing, some time on the couch just holding on to one another. Reminding each other of what is important.

 Life and love. 

Over the years I have come to the realization that I have very few needs in life. The girls too, the three of us are simple, while it is true there are things we enjoy in life, those are not things we require to be happy. The only thing we need is love, it doesn't matter where we live, or what we consume. We could eat rice and beans, as long as we are secure with love nothing else matters.


For this sense of security I am thankful. 

There are so many things I am thankful for, I could continue, I could list things until the sun comes up, but I will stop. I encourage each of you to take time to think about the things you are thankful for, the relationships in your life that are meaningful, the people you love;  Do those people know just how much they mean to you? Have you thanked the Lord for your blessings? 

There is no time like the present to let them know.

Three Years Later

Tonight I sat at the elementary school where YCOA meets for practice each week and watched Heather do things that this night three years ago, I never would have thought possible. This night three years ago I had resigned myself to there not being "in three years" with Heather.

Three years ago on this night Heather went into a 3 hour convulsive status seizure. Not only did she seize for more than three hours, but she had high fever caused by sepsis. The video embedded here was taken that night, short clips taken between 6 and 8pm on November 5th. I don't like to watch this, I haven't watched it more than a couple of times since that night, this moment was the start of a nightmare I never could have imagined.

 As I watched Heather tonight at cheer practice I thought about these things, and went back to this hospital room and that moment in my mind.

Three years later Heather Riley is in an amazing place. She has opportunities and strength that I never thought would be available to her. I sat on the bench and choked back tears for 40 minutes as I watched the girls treating Heather like any other girl on the squad (these girls have no idea she is any different) Heather was doing stunts like the other kids, I watched Heather assist in holding another girl up in the air. I had to hold my breath, and thank God for the determination she has, for the strength we have all been able to find to take the next step each time we had to. It is amazing what a difference your attitude makes.

In the darkest of moments we have always chosen to live and not simply exist. This is why Heather is successful, this is why she is doing what she does.

 Heather still has Lennox Gastaut Syndrome, but truth is that does not define who she is and what she is capable of doing. Sometimes we bite off more than we can chew, but in the end we look at the situations and say "we tried" We are all given one life and we must honor that life and live it to the fullest. Not constantly looking back into the past; retrospect is good as long as you are balancing it with introspection so you learn and grow. Never wallowing in "poor me" "oh, how we suffer" Learn from where you have been. As a family we look at November 2011 as not only our darkest hour, but also our greatest blessing.

Heather recovered from the status seizure after several doses of ativan, a phenobarbital load and a load of dilantin. She would  crash in the ambulance and arrive at the childrens hospital in critical condition. Her heart and kidneys failing, unable to breath on her own. Within 48 hours she would open her eyes and start to recover. And today, three years after that ordeal here she is. Standing in a room, a room here she is part of a competition cheer leading squad learning cheers and stunts as though she was just another girl.

She is just another girl, three years later, just another girl, and that's all I ever wanted.

No Weapon....

One of the issues in my profession has always been the the best positions are all contract based. A company signs a 6 month contract and the client may or may not resign the contract, it may be extended for 3 months, or 6 months or an additional year. Depending on the project or company you may or may not have a job at the end of that contract.

We were living in a situation prior to our move that I look back on and wonder how we survived; even then I knew it was bad and we had to get out. Sometimes still I am overcome with emotion just thinking about what we lived through and in. I cry out of guilt and shame with the realization of what I allowed my children to be exposed to, suffer with and miss out on. I felt trapped and I believed the threats and statements regarding the core of my character. I wish I had believed in myself and known the strength I really had. I sometimes wish people had known what was really going on in my home over the years. Like most women I hide my pain and suffered in silence.  We walked through an unimaginable hell, to get where we are.

When I was offered a contract job, even though I knew it was only a 6 month special project I saw it as an opened door. This was a way out. I had a network of friends in the area and I could "hide" from those that wished me harm. I never felt like their desire to hurt me was strong enough to seek me out at that time, I have since begun to question that. To this day exactly where we live is not known to many. We felt confident melting into a county with a population of  (literally) a million other people. My girls have been though enough, I wanted to just be another face in the crowd, so we became just that. It remains important that some of these people never know where we are.

That 6 month contract was enough for us to get out, the pay was low, well below industry standards but it was enough to meet our physical needs, just barely. I commuted as long as I had to; that turned out to be just a couple of pay checks to get us moved. When we moved I took nothing more than our clothes, air mattresses and  a chair. When we left we moved essentially in a single evening. I did eventually have my best friend retrieve a mattress and Heathers wardrobe, but those were the only pieces of furniture we brought. Everything else was left behind. We started new, we wanted to bring nothing from our old and negative past to this fresh start with us. - and so we didn't.

I was always concerned that project I worked on would be lost, leaving me with no income. We lived pay check to 3 days before paycheck. It was difficult, but we made it work, our hearts were happy and we felt safe and secure. It was something I had not really felt at least not in my adult life.  Weeks turned into months so I began to hope the contract may become permanent. When I felt fear creep into my heart I prayed and felt a peace come over me. The Lord reassured my heart and mind that He brought us to this place, I was given assurance through various signs that this is exactly where the girls and I are supposed to be. I was given peace, and the knowledge that we would be taken care of.

 The girls are in good schools, my best friend lives literally just around the corner. He was the first person that ever gave the girls and I a true feeling of safety within the  family setting. Even before we moved he showed us a different kind of love.

You can imagine my concern in June when I started to see the writing on the wall at work. There were so many issues. Then it happened. The contract was lost, and the world as I knew it ended. We were safe for that month, but my mind instantly went to all of the bills that I knew would start coming in. The knowledge that unemployment would take time to process and pay; even when it did the total I would get would not even pay our rent. How was I going to buy groceries, how would I make my car payments. What would I do if it was repossessed. I was devastated, but I felt calm. I had a sense that our needs would somehow be met.

For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
 Matthew 6:25 

There have been times I wasn't sure just what I was supposed to do or where to turn and it was in those moments when seemingly out of the blue a person entered our lives with the information we

needed, or some small job I could do for cash. This crisis has been no exception, it has been exceptional, an exceptional test of faith. The thoughts trying to take root in my heart were difficult to keep out at times. As our needs were met in moments I couldn't imagine how it would happen, my faith strengthened as I watched pieces of the puzzle come together. Sometimes in the wee hours of the morning I close my eyes and think about the events of the last few weeks and can see the Lords hands again very actively at work in our life. While there are those that rejoice in the devastation we have been and are facing, some even making some untrue and unkind remarks regarding our situation. These things are nothing new to us, and while I think about this I feel the power in the words of Isiah 54:17-

No weapon that is formed against you will prosper;
And every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
And their vindication is from Me,” declares the Lord

Those that rejoice with voices of cruelty, yet proclaim a christian faith are the wolf in sheep clothing.

One night I was on my porch after a family conversation and just spending time with those I love. I was alone with my thoughts in the cool night air as I sat thinking I was in conversation with the Lord regarding everything, I felt a calm wash over me and just knew this was ending;  the worst was over. Even thought I had a deep sense of peace at that moment I can't tell you everything is perfect yet, but there are so many good things happening right now. Long standing issues are being resolved as though a divine hand waved and said "enough, this season in your life is over" and in a way He did.

Of course, as I say this always know none of the issues are solved by us sitting here waiting for the Lord to reach down in a divine way and fix life for us. Of course that would be nice, but that is just not how life works. We must work our issues out, and so once I took the first step to address and issue it was like dominoes started to fall. A few nights ago I stopped to think about it and it took my breath away as I thought about what set it all into motion.

God is good all the time, even when we don't or can't see it. Thank you to everyone that has lifted us up in prayer, and those that reached a hand up in our time of need.  We are still walking in dangerous financial territory for another month, but once these broken pieces are collected and placed with the others they will become a part of something beautiful. So far the other side of this looks to be more amazing than I ever imagined.