IEP, Bus, Summer

What does IEP really stand for? Well for parents that have been through more than one or two you know it can stand for Intense Emesis Producing (meeting), or Individualized (we want you to believe it is anyway) Education (hmm?) Plan (that we are going to ignore)

 Do I sound a little bitter? I am not, not really... I am just filled with sarcasm because; lets be real, no matter how wonderful her teachers are, there will always be a rotten apple. I suppose there is no true "dream team"

So, lets forget about the IEP for a moment and talk about an issue that dates back to last years IEP, and even before she started school. When we moved to Huntersville I visited the elementary school. My plan was for Heather to be enrolled in 5th grade. This would place Heather in the age group she is best grouped with for typical interactions, this also put her in the right place for starting high school at the age/time I feel most appropriate for her. Despite my wishes I was convinced to start her into Middle school. It turned out to be a good choice, she loved her teachers and made great friends. Her first year back in public school full time was great.

At the end of last year during the IEP the idea of transitioning Heather to high school for the 2014/2015 school year came up, due to her age. Andrew and I both stated very clearly we had no intentions to transition her. There was more than a little discussion about it. We were implicit about how we felt, individually and as a parental unit. On the IEP there was nothing written about Heather transitioning the following year. Against my wishes she was listed as an 8th grader. In retrospect I should have not allowed that to occur. When I saw that I should have made them change it. Had I done that what was to occur in months to come would never have happened. A lesson I continue to be taught time and time again. Maybe one day soon I will learn and speak up when that small voice starts to whisper loud roars into my heart.



Heather started this school year with her private duty nurse, with her private transportation and in the same class. She is happy and enjoys school for the most part. We got through late summer and fall, Christmas passes. As the new year came Heather approached Andrew and I with something that she should have no understanding of, as neither of us, nor her sisters have ever mentioned to her- She wants to be with kids her own age. She thinks she is to old to be in her class now. This is a strange conversation when she starts it. My heart stung with the idea that she was developing a new level of self awareness. There is no truth in her being is older than other children in her present class. Heather is about the same age as most kids in her class according to a graph that just came home from math class this week. Heather quickly became very attached to the idea of having friends her own age.

"Friends my own age"

That is a very interesting concept and one I felt well equipped to talk to her about.. I have never really had friends my own age, my closest friends are at least 10 years older than I am, always been. I asked Heather why it mattered so much that her friends were the same age. She never had an answer. She brought it up a few times. It began to become evident that this  concept was not something that came from her own realizations. This was being driven by someone else, but who, and why? Over the following weeks she came home from school and started asking about high school. She became obsessed with when she was going to go to high school. She brought home a flier with a photo of the

cheerleaders from Hough. She stated that one of her teachers gave it to her. It was at that moment I knew where all of this was coming from.Andrew and I had become the object of Heathers frustration all because a teacher had been plowing a garden and planting seeds for months. Now we were facing a crop of contempt, anger and obsession ready for harvest. Nearly every day became (has become, yes, it is still going on) a question and battle, and verbal showdown about why she is not going to high school. Heather blames Andrew and I for not allowing her. According to Heather, her teachers say it is us holding her back. To Heather high school is a magical place, something amazing happens when you go from middle school (elementary school as her teacher was even hear calling it recently) to high school. I have yet to decipher what this big transition is, but to Heather it is something big and life changing.

The truth is she can't go to high school for a lot of reasons. One of the many reasons is the time school starts- 7am and ends- 2pm. If she went in late how much good will that do her? She misses most of the day. Where she is currently her school day starts at 9am, a perfect time for her. There are lots of other reasons, so please don't think this is the only issue we have..

All of this brings us to the IEP this week.

 Andrew and I are the "I" - I realize that a single teacher failed to realize we are not going to blindly sign the IEP. We will not allow goals to be generalized to make it easier for group teaching. Heather is, for the first time in her life learning and retaining. We must maximize the time we have. She is like a sponge right now. She craves knowledge. Why limit her because of what you think you know? Heather has defied odds most of her life medically. Let us invite her to do that educationally as well. Why should we let IQ points define her future, or her present?

At the same time, it is best to keep in mind the fact that she is not an adult, she is not capable of making decisions, she is not in control of anything when it comes to major choices about her life at this time. She lacks the mental capacity to know what is best for her. Be real, what 14 year old has the capacity to know that?

We discovered that Heather was pulled to the side and a conversation was held with her about what she wanted to do next year. She was asked if she wanted to go to high school. Yes, even though both Andrew and myself stated that we would not agree to sending her. Neither of us were notified about this conversation before or even after. I am not sure which part of it makes me more upset. It also worries me. I want to ensure that this type of action is never taken again about any subject. I made it clear, although I look back and wonder if I was understood- that this is to never happen again. Either Andrew or I are to be consulted prior to this type of thing.

 As we sat in the meeting I realize that there was quite a level of deception taking place and had taken place. That bothered me. It wasn't the first time I had experienced it with one individual. Anyone that has been in an IEP has experienced it - you casually ask a question about a goal and are told that no your child hasn't met it, no where close, then when confronted again about it in an official situation suddenly they are mastering it almost 80% of the time and that's why we dropped that important goal The one that was truly individualized and required a little more work.

I certainly don't want this to sound like a gripe fest- it isn't. Overall I am pleased with what we accomplished in just over 3 hours. One of the exciting accomplishments for Heather was simply getting her off of the private transportation and onto a school bus. She was very disappointed that she wasn't riding a bus and has hated taking the van daily. She just wants to be "normal" Something I think we all want and should realize normal is what you are accustomed to. There is no true normal. Abnormal is anything outside of your ordinary.. so, aren't we all normal?

 We are in the last weeks of school and are excited for the summer. We need time to slow down the pace a little bit. No more classes, no more school, sleep late, enjoy each others company by the pool and just live life one moment at a time.