Finding Resolve

Over the years I have carried many burdens some more gracefully than others.It is funny how you know something is affecting you, yet you just pick up and keep moving. Partially because you don't know what else to do, partially out of fear, and sometimes out of sheer stupidity and maybe even willful ignorance. All these are survival instincts, self preservation. Then suddenly one day that is lifted. You suddenly are allowed to look at your life and see the reality of how severely that "thing" was impacting so many areas of your life.

Currently that is where I am.

I can't say that those around me fully understand what I am going through, or that they even like it much. There are aspects of my personal life that needed  a change, not just a change but a total face (and faith) lift. Nothing can happen over night, sometimes little changes make big difference. Just the small act of praying with my girls every morning starts our day in a positive way. That one moment we have together every day in a short embrace has become vital to me, and I dare say them as well.

I don't want to be specific about everything I have changed (really some details would be silly to share, you want to read about me dusting?) , or even what happened in my life that has allowed my eyes to be opened with clarity, my breathing with ease daily and allowed to be more relaxed- there are just  some things, actually several things as simply just too personal.

What I will share, is something of great value- over a year ago I was heavy with worry. I fell to my knees in the church. As I was there my eyes filled with tears I remember the colors dancing on the walls from the stained glass windows, it always looked like broken glass on the wall- I handed my heart and a situation to the Lord, as I did this I heard a voice telling me "in my time, not yours" I can still hear that voice as though it was yesterday.

Never forget that He hears your prayer, just because you do not get what you WANT, when you want it, it does not mean he is not listening and providing you with love, mercy and grace. The Lord is not a genie in a lamp. We do not get to clap our hands together, rub the bible and make a wish. Much to our dismay, occasionally He tells us no, and it is for our own good even when we can not see or understand His ultimate wisdom. Many times I have seen that he had a greater treasure in store for me than what I desired at the moment I was begging him for situation ***- I just needed patience to wait until it was His time to reveal His greater plan, and I had to be open to it when the time was right.

So, now here we are a new place in life, a new chapter- I hear His voice again telling me to be patient because it is all going to happen in His time, not mine.