Hemp, Cannabis, Marijuana Whats All The Confusion?

A little plant sure can cause a lot fuss, it is a hot button topic for me.
 - Medical Marijuana-
Why? Whats the big deal? This plant, can save and change lives just as quickly as it can destroy lives. My heart dropped to my feet when I read the bill proposed by Pat McElraft; "Hope for Haley and friends" As I sat on my sofa reading I felt sicker and sicker. The bill looks to be nothing more than creating a registry for people that are using Hemp Oil, costing money and forcing patients to see doctors at one of the three major universities.

Certainly I am not an idiot, I get that it will allow some patients to have access to Charlottes Web. How many and at what cost? How long will they have to wait? and Who is getting left out? Why be so exclusionary? What about the people that Charlottes Web doesn't help, what about the people that need more? - are a select few the only patients that matter? The few cute little kids with parents telling sad stories- are they the only ones with lives that society should care about?

I got flames thrown at me on FB recently because I raised a few questions and encouraged others to not just listen to what they were being told but to read the bills and ask questions; I learned a long time ago to never take anything at face value. Each person has an agenda, it isn't always bad, but it is an agenda none-the-less. I have read both bills; Hope 4 Haley and friends as well as House Bill 1120.

What is my agenda? I want to have access to medical marijuana; unselfishly, for not only my daughter but the many others that could have their lives changed by this little plant. When I stand up and it is rarely for just myself. We are in an ocean, not a fishbowl. Rainbow fish was much better off at the end of the story when all the fish that needed a shimming scale had one too. This is a situation truly about the greatest good for the greatest number.

Language is important, words are powerful. Recently I had a conversation with Heather Riley about the power of the words we speak. They can make or break a situation. Calling a product by the proper name is important. Using the term "Hemp" to satisfy a group of republicans that may get their panties in a wad over the term "Marijuana" is not beneficial to anyone. There is a difference. Hope 4 Haley and Friends defines Hemp very well, as Hemp. Because the product being discussed is hemp oil. There is no new definition allowing more THC in this hemp oil as there was talk about it being redefined in the bill. Hemp, by definition is less than .3% THC).  Simply put, it is the difference in the levels of THC in the plants that defines hemp and Marijuana. Placation, is not better than education.

 There are a lot of great sites to explain the difference, including the history of  hemp..  Hemp is an amazing resource used in a variety of products, not just the amazing oil we are now aware of and all desperate to get. My favorite purse and make up bag are both made from hemp. My girls once loved to make jewelry from hemp. Of course there is the potential for fuel.  
I agree that there is a need for hemp growth in the US, and in NC. I also strongly feel that there is a need to have medical marijuana as there are patients who benefit from this as well.

I  have an issue with recreational use of any drug, I have seen lives destroyed by addiction.. There are people who are prone to addiction so any substance will be a problem for those people. While others will never have a desire to try anything, or have the ability to do something once, or even in moderation (like social drinking)  So waging a war on marijuana is a little silly at the end of the day when prescription medications, which are tightly (supposed to be anyway) controlled are among the most abused substances there are. (reference) Tobacco which is lower on the totem pole is an addictive substance and can cause financial devastation when people chose their habit over their bills. In reality anything, from drugs to fast food is addictive and can be destructive. Anything with the potential for good humans can and will use to their own demise.


When it  comes down to it what I think doesn't matter in the big picture, not really. What I have to say is unimportant. My opinion is meaningless. It is the facts that matter. I can tell you what I think;  I usually do don't I?  I want everyone that lives in NC (or cares about this subject in the state) to read both of these proposed bills. NC is a conservative state, I agree. This is a progressive matter, when you talk about cannabis, or hemp, or marijuana it is not something conservative. So to say that one of these bills is more conservative and is more likely to pass- it is not being bought by this individual. I am, for those that don't know me personally one of the most conservative minded people around. I do not have cable, listen to the radio unless there is some one else in the car, I have very conservative view and tend to find myself horrified at a lot of things I see and hear around me. I do not associate myself with any political party, I listen to people and follow issues... I have read both of these bills several times. When I read HB1120 I see a more detailed description of what should take place. I see protections for families that chose this treatment and I see action. I also see no limitations as to who your medical providers are. I see more people that have needs getting those needs met. I see research demanded and funding appropriated for it. There is freedom of choice which is a right we should all have under these circumstances.

Again, I will say only this- read the bills.. understand not just what they say but what they mean for you and your family. Understand what hemp oil is, understand medical marijuana-Understand what is and is not currently available- look at the big picture. There is more I could say, there is a lot I chose not to say. I have spoke with a representative from a company based in CO and felt confident when my thoughts were confirmed. So, again, do your research learn and decided.

IEP, Bus, Summer

What does IEP really stand for? Well for parents that have been through more than one or two you know it can stand for Intense Emesis Producing (meeting), or Individualized (we want you to believe it is anyway) Education (hmm?) Plan (that we are going to ignore)

 Do I sound a little bitter? I am not, not really... I am just filled with sarcasm because; lets be real, no matter how wonderful her teachers are, there will always be a rotten apple. I suppose there is no true "dream team"

So, lets forget about the IEP for a moment and talk about an issue that dates back to last years IEP, and even before she started school. When we moved to Huntersville I visited the elementary school. My plan was for Heather to be enrolled in 5th grade. This would place Heather in the age group she is best grouped with for typical interactions, this also put her in the right place for starting high school at the age/time I feel most appropriate for her. Despite my wishes I was convinced to start her into Middle school. It turned out to be a good choice, she loved her teachers and made great friends. Her first year back in public school full time was great.

At the end of last year during the IEP the idea of transitioning Heather to high school for the 2014/2015 school year came up, due to her age. Andrew and I both stated very clearly we had no intentions to transition her. There was more than a little discussion about it. We were implicit about how we felt, individually and as a parental unit. On the IEP there was nothing written about Heather transitioning the following year. Against my wishes she was listed as an 8th grader. In retrospect I should have not allowed that to occur. When I saw that I should have made them change it. Had I done that what was to occur in months to come would never have happened. A lesson I continue to be taught time and time again. Maybe one day soon I will learn and speak up when that small voice starts to whisper loud roars into my heart.



Heather started this school year with her private duty nurse, with her private transportation and in the same class. She is happy and enjoys school for the most part. We got through late summer and fall, Christmas passes. As the new year came Heather approached Andrew and I with something that she should have no understanding of, as neither of us, nor her sisters have ever mentioned to her- She wants to be with kids her own age. She thinks she is to old to be in her class now. This is a strange conversation when she starts it. My heart stung with the idea that she was developing a new level of self awareness. There is no truth in her being is older than other children in her present class. Heather is about the same age as most kids in her class according to a graph that just came home from math class this week. Heather quickly became very attached to the idea of having friends her own age.

"Friends my own age"

That is a very interesting concept and one I felt well equipped to talk to her about.. I have never really had friends my own age, my closest friends are at least 10 years older than I am, always been. I asked Heather why it mattered so much that her friends were the same age. She never had an answer. She brought it up a few times. It began to become evident that this  concept was not something that came from her own realizations. This was being driven by someone else, but who, and why? Over the following weeks she came home from school and started asking about high school. She became obsessed with when she was going to go to high school. She brought home a flier with a photo of the

cheerleaders from Hough. She stated that one of her teachers gave it to her. It was at that moment I knew where all of this was coming from.Andrew and I had become the object of Heathers frustration all because a teacher had been plowing a garden and planting seeds for months. Now we were facing a crop of contempt, anger and obsession ready for harvest. Nearly every day became (has become, yes, it is still going on) a question and battle, and verbal showdown about why she is not going to high school. Heather blames Andrew and I for not allowing her. According to Heather, her teachers say it is us holding her back. To Heather high school is a magical place, something amazing happens when you go from middle school (elementary school as her teacher was even hear calling it recently) to high school. I have yet to decipher what this big transition is, but to Heather it is something big and life changing.

The truth is she can't go to high school for a lot of reasons. One of the many reasons is the time school starts- 7am and ends- 2pm. If she went in late how much good will that do her? She misses most of the day. Where she is currently her school day starts at 9am, a perfect time for her. There are lots of other reasons, so please don't think this is the only issue we have..

All of this brings us to the IEP this week.

 Andrew and I are the "I" - I realize that a single teacher failed to realize we are not going to blindly sign the IEP. We will not allow goals to be generalized to make it easier for group teaching. Heather is, for the first time in her life learning and retaining. We must maximize the time we have. She is like a sponge right now. She craves knowledge. Why limit her because of what you think you know? Heather has defied odds most of her life medically. Let us invite her to do that educationally as well. Why should we let IQ points define her future, or her present?

At the same time, it is best to keep in mind the fact that she is not an adult, she is not capable of making decisions, she is not in control of anything when it comes to major choices about her life at this time. She lacks the mental capacity to know what is best for her. Be real, what 14 year old has the capacity to know that?

We discovered that Heather was pulled to the side and a conversation was held with her about what she wanted to do next year. She was asked if she wanted to go to high school. Yes, even though both Andrew and myself stated that we would not agree to sending her. Neither of us were notified about this conversation before or even after. I am not sure which part of it makes me more upset. It also worries me. I want to ensure that this type of action is never taken again about any subject. I made it clear, although I look back and wonder if I was understood- that this is to never happen again. Either Andrew or I are to be consulted prior to this type of thing.

 As we sat in the meeting I realize that there was quite a level of deception taking place and had taken place. That bothered me. It wasn't the first time I had experienced it with one individual. Anyone that has been in an IEP has experienced it - you casually ask a question about a goal and are told that no your child hasn't met it, no where close, then when confronted again about it in an official situation suddenly they are mastering it almost 80% of the time and that's why we dropped that important goal The one that was truly individualized and required a little more work.

I certainly don't want this to sound like a gripe fest- it isn't. Overall I am pleased with what we accomplished in just over 3 hours. One of the exciting accomplishments for Heather was simply getting her off of the private transportation and onto a school bus. She was very disappointed that she wasn't riding a bus and has hated taking the van daily. She just wants to be "normal" Something I think we all want and should realize normal is what you are accustomed to. There is no true normal. Abnormal is anything outside of your ordinary.. so, aren't we all normal?

 We are in the last weeks of school and are excited for the summer. We need time to slow down the pace a little bit. No more classes, no more school, sleep late, enjoy each others company by the pool and just live life one moment at a time.

Finding Resolve

Over the years I have carried many burdens some more gracefully than others.It is funny how you know something is affecting you, yet you just pick up and keep moving. Partially because you don't know what else to do, partially out of fear, and sometimes out of sheer stupidity and maybe even willful ignorance. All these are survival instincts, self preservation. Then suddenly one day that is lifted. You suddenly are allowed to look at your life and see the reality of how severely that "thing" was impacting so many areas of your life.

Currently that is where I am.

I can't say that those around me fully understand what I am going through, or that they even like it much. There are aspects of my personal life that needed  a change, not just a change but a total face (and faith) lift. Nothing can happen over night, sometimes little changes make big difference. Just the small act of praying with my girls every morning starts our day in a positive way. That one moment we have together every day in a short embrace has become vital to me, and I dare say them as well.

I don't want to be specific about everything I have changed (really some details would be silly to share, you want to read about me dusting?) , or even what happened in my life that has allowed my eyes to be opened with clarity, my breathing with ease daily and allowed to be more relaxed- there are just  some things, actually several things as simply just too personal.

What I will share, is something of great value- over a year ago I was heavy with worry. I fell to my knees in the church. As I was there my eyes filled with tears I remember the colors dancing on the walls from the stained glass windows, it always looked like broken glass on the wall- I handed my heart and a situation to the Lord, as I did this I heard a voice telling me "in my time, not yours" I can still hear that voice as though it was yesterday.

Never forget that He hears your prayer, just because you do not get what you WANT, when you want it, it does not mean he is not listening and providing you with love, mercy and grace. The Lord is not a genie in a lamp. We do not get to clap our hands together, rub the bible and make a wish. Much to our dismay, occasionally He tells us no, and it is for our own good even when we can not see or understand His ultimate wisdom. Many times I have seen that he had a greater treasure in store for me than what I desired at the moment I was begging him for situation ***- I just needed patience to wait until it was His time to reveal His greater plan, and I had to be open to it when the time was right.

So, now here we are a new place in life, a new chapter- I hear His voice again telling me to be patient because it is all going to happen in His time, not mine.